I promised her I would not go up on stage.
I was marrying my wife in one week and If she was going to be my lover for the rest of my life. We made a pact that night that if I did not go up on stage at the local gentlemen’s clubs, and there would be three she promised me that she would always be there physically if for one night I could resist the peer pressure of my fraternity friends and Just say No.
This would be an easy test. After 6 and a half years of dating I loved her and in no way was I going to jeopardize a true moment of trust, so as I headed out that night for what I was sure was going to be a night to remember, I told my 3 best friends and my groomsmen that Tammy and I had made a promise. Tell all the others that yes we could have our adult fun and yes, as that was the custom of that day in 1985. We would go to theStrip Joints of their choosing after a fun night at the Frat house where about 50 of us told immature stories, drank,, and even saw a picture board of my female relatives heads on very provocative playboy models. Yes, another story for another day. But I must admit, now the reason my cousin asked my mother for some pictures of our family, was because he wanted to enhance them. All made sense. Aren’t cousins cool.?
As we all proceeded to the different clubs I was pleased that everyone behaved themselves for the most part. I didn’t frequent these establishments very often but through the years, mostly with other bachelor parties I have probably seen a dozen or so. Not really proud of it, but the “Immaturity of Man” , a book I would love to write some day, seems to have a way of bringing testosterone levels in men to do childish things. And I think 99% of wives and girlfriends despise it. My first time was when I was under 21 and my future brother-in-law
let me have his ID to get served at one of these joints. The drinking age was 21 in the early 80’s and the crazy part of this attempt was I was 5-10 170 lbs with brown hair and brown eyes , he was 24 6’ 2’ blonde curly hair and blue eyes. His picture didn’t come close to matching my profile but the man at the door gave me a look like, “know you are getting a break here, I better not see you again. It was one of the few times I sat close to the stage and I think that was the night that when I ran out of one dollar bills, I only had 5 or 6. I actually tried to tuck a paper receipt when the pretty blonde approached me. She saw what I had done, threw the paper back at me and gave me the look like, what an idiot loser you must be. I realized then these probably weren’t the place for me and if my parents found out, they would have wondered where they went wrong..
So though I haven’t been to many I did realize that 21 year olds and soon to be married men would often find themselves on a chair.. In the middle of the floor, the dancers would give the crowd a show while embarrassing the hell out of the helpless lad as they would set the rules, and the music, and sometimes go further than was legally allowed..
So as the evening was getting into the later hours we finally arrived at what was to be our last stop, and As I my friends were getting more intoxicated I reminded my closest confidants to make sure they are not going to do something stupid and call me up. I was assured but as I saw three of my brothers head back to the sound guy/manager. I began to get concerned knowing I was going to be put on the spot and I would have to apologize to the crowd and the dancer for what was not going to happen.. . You know how you have great friends. Ones who will probably be picked to carry your casket someday. Good friends are those that will show up to your funeral and definitely have a few drinks as they talk about your passing. The Three heading back to the sound room are the ones who will literally dance on your casket at the cemetery. Because they started drinking in the morning and this is the way they pay their respects. You still love them but like every family there is one uncle who 100 years from now everyone will be talking about them. In christmas vacation it was uncle ED, in Dumb and dumber it was door number 2 and in my cse it was the idiot savants who had no brian cells left to understand iambic pentameter much less could pronounce it.
But there they went and I was still coherent enough to be prepared to quiet the crowd. Sure enough a few minutes later the music man announces to the crowd that they had a bachelor in the crowd about to get married in a week,” So let’s put our hands together as we show John a good time tonight” As the crowd started to hoop and holler. And the music begins to start the clapping. The lights trailed over to the stage door as a very attractive lady slowly made her way onto the center of the stage. My 2 close friends had the same look on their face that my heart was feeling. All I could mutter was.” BOYS, WE ARE SCREWED !!!” In the 38 years I have told this story to people of all walks of life. I always stop here and ask the question. Why were we in 1985 so screwed? And now that I am 65 I believe.the same emotions and same feelings would Adhere today. Why were we screwed????
As she came towards me to take my hand, I looked at Ron with a face that most likely was red then white then red again. My idiot brothers had put us in a predicament that had no way out because of my promise to my wife. The dancer would never believe me and the crowd would not forget this for a long time. As my two friends hurried towards the manager and the dancer looked into my eyes, all I could muster was “I’m sorry” I’m so sorry.” “ The shouts from the crowd “ Get up there” Come on” What are you waiting for”, slowly quieted as the music began to fade. Her face went from smiles to confusion, to anger, as she turned away and hurried back to her dressing room. As I saw my friends talking with the manager I could see him motioning to the bouncers and as they came towards the place we were sitting, I was relieved that the 30 to 40 friends I had with me would keep this place from erupting into a massive slugfest. I truly believe if there had only been 6-10 of us we would have been physically thrown out or worse. The boo”s became louder and louder, and my brothers quickly realized that the situation was getting out of control. I really couldn’t begin to tell the crowd why this was happening, even in 1985 they would never believe it.. Why was this moment so surreal? How could I feel so bad for the dancer and at the same time know that my decision was a double edged sword that this inebriated crowd could not understand this night. Never in my life had I seen an immediate reversal of an intoxicating moment become a sudden division of approximately 100 plus people. As I witnessed Ron explain the situation I could see the reaction of the manager go into a” this is bull shit” physical movements. Ron has always been a super level headed communicator but tonight even the best ambassador could not have quelled the crowd, every emotion in the place was on high alert. And As I sat there I knew this was going to take some time to even try to articulate the truth. I lost track of time as my mind was clouded with what happened next. I had a small platoon that would keep me protected but I still felt so helpless that I could probably never explain to this sweet girl why I could not be with her on stage. As the crowd continued to be restless I could hear the bouncers totally outnumbered throw frustrated profanities at us because even they were smart enough that a bar room brawl would see them in dire straits.
What I remember next is Ron coming over to me with a very strange comment. Because they ( MY idiot friends) had paid money for the girl to take me on stage, they now wanted me to pick one of the other dancers to go to a table and have a polite conversation.
This seemed extremely strange but honestly the last 30 minutes seemed like a bad dream and at this point I was willing to do almost anything to bring some normalcy to the club.
So I saw a dancer that actually looked a little like my fiance .Very soon we were at a booth looking across the table as the music began to start and the crowd began to slowly begin to pay attention to the new dancer on stage. As I sat there she very pleasantly started asking me questions that two complete strangers would start with. So you’re getting married, next week you sure have a lot of friends, etc, ect…and as I tried to mentally understand the moment and what she really wanted, I finally got the question she was truely searching for.
So why did you not come on stage tonight ,, what’s wrong, are you just shy,? I did the best I could to be as sincere as my emotions would let me. “ I’ve been dating my fiance for nearly 7 years, and I made a promise to her tonight, and as much as I hated to do this to the young lady on stage, I could not go up there.because if I did I would struggle with my promise for a very long time. And I know she would not understand. She looked into my eyes and gave me a soft smile and said.
“Your friends have told us you promised your wife, So I guess you guys are telling us the truth.” I exhaled and for the first time in an hour I felt my head begin to clear. My emotions were finally starting to feel relieved as I said thank you. I assume she really will not see me so I can tell her how sorry I am. Yes John she exclaimed it’s probably not a good Idea, but I will let her know the truth and I think someday she will understand. We both stood up as I shook her hand, and with that I mentioned to the frat brother I still love today and said. Gentleman it is time to call it a night.. And as we walked out we were still being followed by the bouncers and situational; awareness was very prevalent..
So why did I know we were so screwed when she entered the room. No it wasn’t an old girlfriend no it wasn’t Tammy no it wasn’t my mom, no….., no…. no…. to every other answer people give. At the age of 25 on a night when everything seemed right in the world, the Black dancer came from behind the wall and walked towards me.. There was only one reason in mind as to why I didn’t take her hand. And to this day. What could have I done that night that both her and My wife would have understood my actions….…
John M Schroeder 1985…..
. . . ..